The Art of Parenting

In his inaugural speech in November 2007, the new President of Sierra Leone, Dr Ernest Bai-Koroma, appealed for attitudinal change among his people. Attitudinal change means different things to different people. For this writer, this state of mind - as it should be rightly considered as, instead of the presidential initiative it is being bandied about as - should not neglect how we treat our children as parents.

Growing up, I was fortunate to be raised by a single mum who did all in her power to treat her children with respect, dignity and impressed on them early the need to take responsibility for their actions. She mothered - not smothered - her children. Even today as an adult, my upbringing has stood me in good stead. I am not afraid to make mistakes or take risks. The key to my upbringing was: do not be afraid to fall, just make sure you get back up! No doubt, a good number of my fellow Sierra Leoneans were lucky enough to be brought up in this way. The majority, I am afraid, were not.

Children in general are smothered by their parents. Their talents are rarely encouraged. Instead, it is the age old problem of the ‘if I’m older than you, I’m wiser than you’ mentality that has stifled the development of the African child.

Sierra Leonean parents collectively, have a track record of getting things spectacularly wrong. For example, while growing up in the eighties and early nineties, if you came from a so-called respectable family, you were likely to be accused of bringing a slur to the family name, if you were caught participating in local grassroots – or should it be ‘dirt-ridden’ - football leagues in local football fields across the country. This ‘crime’ would warrant a family gathering where the mothers’ tears will flow and with the heavy use of the fathers’ belts convincing the ‘offenders’ to mend their ways.

The case the prosecution presents is that playing football competitively in these area leagues as they were called, was for school drop-outs and illiterates. Imagine that! This displayed an apparent lack of vision on the part of Sierra Leone parents. Granted, no one could have predicted the football explosion in which footballers have climbed to the top of world earnings and are being treated like rock stars. The main failing of parents was their failure to encourage their kids to broaden their horizons, develop competitive spirit and hone their talents. They were more interested in their kids becoming doctors and lawyers for their own personal glorification.

Small wonder that the nation is struggling to get its inhabitants to grow rice! There are so many lawyers in the country that the majority is diversifying into business and other occupations. At best parents could be accused of being selfish and prescriptive, at worst abusive.

A good parent must try to understand what their kids are good at and encourage them to develop their skills further. Every individual is blessed with unique skills. For people to achieve their true potential, their unique skills most be utilized as much as possible. Imagine Mohamed Kallon - the most successful footballer Sierra Leone has produced – as a surgeon or David Beckham as a lawyer. The world may have lost more people and people may have lost more cases as a result.
Let kids be. It is not about them making all the decisions. Parents need to use their experience effectively to help harness their talents. As parents, we can improve their chances of success in life by providing education for them. In their formative years, we must try to identify their talents and expose them in these areas as much and as soon as possible. When they are teenagers, they would have options to pursue linked to their unique skills. Kids would have a greater chance of success in life choosing one of these options.

My daughter is five years old. Already, she would not leave a pen alone. She loves to write and draw. She has got a very imaginative mind and can concoct a story that makes sense. When she does these things, her eyes light up and the pleasure is there for all to see. I encourage her to write everyday and help her build on her stories. When she can convince me to get off the TV watching football, I type up her stories for her as she dictates them. Her mum has identified that she also loves music. She’s enrolled in a drama school. The point here is we shouldn’t be prophesying their future but identifying what they are good at and providing opportunities for them to improve further.

My son thinks he is a bad boy. He likes to do as he pleases. My wife and I are slowly working away at calming him down. There’s no way I’d like him to become a dictator. In effect, not only should we be providing opportunities for our kids, parents should work at modifying their actions and behaviors that might be regarded as anti-social. It might be funny now to see one kid clubber another. However, not addressing the action will inform the kid that it is all right and this could form a part of a mentality that could lead to problems in future.

Our kids are our future. Our future looks challenging. We can meet these challenges in part, by equipping our kids for the future. They are the ones expected to deal with these challenges. We need to treat them like princes and princesses in readiness for their duties. We must not shy away from correcting them where we feel they are going wrong, without being abusive. We must love them. If they annoy us, we should not take our personal frustrations out on them.

We need to take responsibility early on. It is the responsibility of parents to develop their kids’ entrepreneurial spirit by encouraging them to take calculated risks. We must not treat their mistakes as failures. Instead, let us treat their mistakes as opportunities for our kids to learn something new.

Most importantly, instill in them the need to love themselves and respect themselves. You can show them how by loving and respecting them.